To say I was lost would be an understatement. I was broken and soulless. I was living without any hope of happiness. All I wanted was to stay loaded. All the happiness stripped away by a powerful, cunning, baffling disease. I was three overdoses into my addiction and a heavy alcoholic. My addict-self was killing me and I was struggling to die.
The day I ceased to be an active addict I was drinking half a gallon of vodka, shooting two grams of heroin and one gram of meth every day. My mind so diseased and clouded I welcomed my own death. I was ready to die.
What had inspired me become sober and completely turn my life around? I felt as if a higher power had reached down and saved me.
I attended meetings everyday for a three month period a few years prior. Those three months had been the longest stint of sobriety since becoming an alcoholic and drug addict. I didn't understand the program. I didn't have the tools to live free, happy and at peace. Nothing made sense to me except the meetings were the only thing that kept me sober.
It was 8:44 pm 11/08/2016, I reached out via text and three words saved my life, "I NEED HELP".
I thought I needed to learn how to quit using. Later I understood that I could live happily without the use of drugs. On 11/11/2016 at 11:11pm, I went into treatment. I was broken, hopeless, without strength, love or honesty; all of which my disease had hidden from me. I was amazed at the comfort and acceptance which was very willingly and openly given. How could everyone be like this? A treatment center full of 105 addicts like myself? I needed to be surrounded by 105 addicts to learn the tools to live happily without the use of drugs or alcohol. I then knew I was exactly where I needed to be.
The greatest thing about my recovery that I find most astonishing is that I can change someone's life just by speaking about my addiction and recovery and that is the thing that keeps me sober. I work my program, I involve myself, I have a sponsor, I surround myself with sober people, I go to meetings, I share. Being sober used to feel uncomfortable, it felt weird. I had been loaded for so long sober scared me. Today I still work the steps, I still go to meetings, i live a life that inspires. I don't live a life to inspire anymore. I nearly died before learning how to live. I've traveled through madness to find myself and today I am happy, healthy and at peace with myself. Today I am SOBER.