FOREWORD (for my first blog) :-)
For me this is an entirely big deal. Based on so many different levels.
I have been wanting to do this for 3 years but…see, yeah . . . that but! It’s an excuse, wrapped around fear, sitting on laziness, fooled by selfishness, chaos, judgement, and more FEAR. 100 more types of it! Well, and because I must peck the keyboard…never took typing in high school wth?!
Sometimes I think, my story needs to be heard and sometimes I’m terrified of what it might do to my reputation. I don’t think this because I want to impress a bunch of people with my abilities to jump off a building hit the concrete and keep running with not a scuff but rather the chance at showing a person that went low in their addiction like me. We call it a low bottom. It means when we reached to depths of hell for our addiction and we all could have different meanings of that but to me in my heart of hearts I can earnestly say, I am one of those.
Since I have I have made it a pact that I am fully committing to writing a blog at least once a week there is no need to starting with the beginning…read the book next year, “Vaudeville”. Wait, did I just commit to that too? Been procrastinating on that for like 8 years! Okay enough about me!
11 years later, I can have a great time just listening and keeping my mouth shut. The cool thing about getting some time under your belt and constantly practicing spiritual principals (not perfectly by the way!) your world gets simple. My life is simple, I literally run from bad energy unless I pick up on some of god’s crazy divine light for an intervention. I am no guru by any means…I am just a hopeful recovered alcoholic/addict trudging the road to a happy destiny.
After my first year sober, we started an annual sober trip up to the Kern River where we could all go camping and enjoy clean sober fun. This went on for years and years and became an annual event. I always looked at it like the "newcomer trip" because newcomers would always be down for anything! I know I was! The only thing that has changed for me is my outside circumstances and I'm not complaining. I went from a tent, to a toy hauler (we called it glamping) to a motor-home. Something I had always wanted was a motor-home, a magical place where you could throw the animals in, fill with food and just drive off anywhere for an adventure. Never would I have honestly thought I would be cruising in one of these with a husband and two dogs, I mean I was a meth addict.
Unfortunately, I have had horrible health for the past two years suffering a few heart attacks, some septic stomach issues …the list goes on. So, this trip I am on now right at this moment has not happened for us (my husband and I) in a very long time. Or for anyone in five years.
Massive gratitude flows in and out of my body as I take in this breath right now.
Here’s a picture of where I am writing this:
There is something so freeing about flowing down the river rapids with a bunch of sober alkys and ex addicts. It’s pure adrenaline natural fun. We get together, float together, fellowship together and get to enjoy each other…with no cell service! I love that part! In the moment with no pressure we can be ourselves let out our cries of laughter out when our butts hit the cold water and scream when the rapids get wild. What a gift to be able to see this, to watch a newcomer with 5 weeks sober drifting down the river of possibilities. When I look back at some off the past campers, some have not made it. They came, they went and they are gone without a trace. They went in and they went out and some kept coming back and are still sober. My friend is with us for the trip today who was here on our first trip 10 years ago, now he has 1 year. They say keep coming back no matter what, Let us love you until you can love yourself. I promise you, you will be amazed before you are halfway through. Don’t give up you’re worth it my love.
For me, the trip has been excellent because I put nail to key. I haven’t been able to do that for years. It will take practice but my experience, strength and hope is my gift to the world and I promise to try to help you as I go along with my own journey with honesty, integrity and recovery the best I can.
Thanks for taking this journey with me.
In love and Service, Daniella Park